Happiness is knowing you’re a person of worth

Because being happy has less to do with your circumstances and more to do with what you think of them (if it were simply an equation of how nice of a life you have, we wouldn’t have happy poor people and unhappy rich people), how one conceives of oneself is vastly important.

This “self-concept,” in psychological thought, determines a lot of things about how we function and perceive the world around us. Here, though, we depart from speaking about the vast majority of self-concept, such as goals, religious thought, culture, personality, and the like, and discuss self-worth.

Self-worth is, quite simply, the value you place on your life. By “life,” I am not speaking about mortality, or of physical well-being, but about identity…what makes you, “you”…your “selfness.” What value you place on that is your self-worth. This is in contrast to self-esteem, which is how well you think of yourself. This has nothing to do with value, since many people who are arrogant have very high self-esteem, but low self-worth. In contrast, a person can have a humble view of themselves, insisting that in the grand scheme of things they are no better than their neighbor, yet contradict anyone who stated that the humble person was dispensable. The arrogance of a narcissistic person, however, is often used to mask how little worth they feel they have, and to better cope with that feeling.

It’s not difficult to imagine that people who place little value on their own lives may be miserable. What is difficult to imagine is how anyone can place little value on their own lives (“selfness”). For whatever reason, human beings always place the most value on the rarest of substances – gold, silver, jewels, one-of-a-kind objects, etc. What is more rare than you? Is there anyone else just like you; has there ever been anyone like you? Think of the colossal magnitude of different events and circumstances, different conversations and choices, different chances and whims that had to happen to make you, you. No matter what disability, setback, poor choice, or character flaw you may boast, what always remains is your complexity, rarity, and unrepeatability. Why should personhood be valued in such a way to turn out valued less than dead things like gold and jewels? Speaking only for myself, I see each person as another universe unto themselves, simply because they are as complex as a universe. Everything they do, every little choice they make, is calculated on the basis of that colossal magnitude of differences that make them, them and me, me; an entire universe of differences. What is the value of a universe?

Self-worth alone is not a recipe for happiness, but it would be difficult to imagine a happy person without any self-worth. If you are unhappy, arm yourself with the knowledge of your own worth. Out of every person that has ever been or will ever be, there is a perspective that only you possess, because you are the only person who has lived your life, and has struggled your struggles. That is a rare gem, indeed.

Happiness is the sensation of being created

If you’re a nature enthusiast, you may have noticed that the cleanest, purest looking water is always the water that is moving. Ponds are gross. The water sits there and gathers algae and all kinds of filth - those who choose to have one in their backyards have to treat it with chemicals every year if they want to keep it clean. Rivers and streams don’t need it - they are constantly flowing out to somewhere, and it keeps the water from growing stagnant.

Our lives are like this. It is not enough to settle into a particular role – the role must feel new. Clean water may start as dew on a mountain side, trickling down into a mountain stream, then a valley river, and into a sea. So it is with life – if I am not becoming something, if I am not "being created," I am going to feel polluted.

A life marked by routine - a predictable life in which one rarely meets the unexpected and does not provide the challenge of learning and growing - is comfortable, not happy. Being created is about constantly becoming a new person. The delight of a child in seeing something for the first time, and crying "Again! Again!" is not entirely lost for the adult who is looking for it. Though a river has a relatively constant direction, it always moves back and forth in an “S” shape, giving it variety as it makes its inevitable journey to the sea. This simple principle is realized in the life of a person who seeks something new in the experience of every day. Being created doesn’t require a drastic change in career, nor does it require taking on a new life-long friendship. It might require learning a new way to work that passes by an area you’ve never seen before, or listening to someone on the bus you may be tempted to ignore.

As anything that is created out of lesser material, you will become a greater, more complete person as you allow yourself to take on and assimilate all the experiences life has to offer. All it requires is an open mind (in the truest sense of the term, meaning "being willing to listen to new ideas" rather than "to disapprove of very little" as it is used today) and some flexibility. Experiencing more of life, by some strange paradox, allows you to appreciate it better rather than becoming bored of it. This is because you grow in your awareness of how much there is to experience: your world becomes bigger rather than smaller. Something new and exciting is suddenly brought closer to you, rather than seeming so far away.

Happiness is constantly new, and it is right around the corner.

"Be water, my friend." - Bruce Lee

Writing on happiness

When people write on what happiness is, usually they don’t actually write about what happiness is but where it comes from. The reason they do this is because anyone who feels emotions knows what happiness is. Describing happiness requires a poet, not a philosopher or a mental health clinician.

Nevertheless, it is very useful to describe happiness by its source. For this reason, I am using this post to summarize the different facets of happiness and where I believe true happiness comes from. When I've made a post on a particular facet or source, I will make the corresponding bullet point a link that will take you directly to the appropriate post.

• Happiness is the sensation of being created
• Happiness is having dignity
• Happiness is knowing you’re a person of worth
• Happiness is having a purpose
• Happiness is in positive thinking
• Happiness is belonging to something greater than yourself
• Happiness is seeing your life as not your own
• Happiness is being in a story
• Happiness is more than material wealth
• Happiness is hope
• Happiness is putting people over things
• Happiness is face-to-face conversation

About this Blog

As long as human beings have had emotions, happiness has likely been the object of the most fascination, fixation, and pursuit. The pursuit of happiness has long been considered so important to human existence that it was made a right in the United States constitution. Yet at the same time, happiness is elusive for so many. It is not Schizophrenia, or Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, or Autism that predominates mental health treatment, but Major Depression and other depressive disorders.

Yet help does not arrive for many. Suicide is a leading cause of death in the world today. People report dissatisfaction in their lives, careers, homes to the media. Many turn to substances like alcohol and drugs to cope with the pain of living. Thousands of dollars poor into mental health treatment for those diagnosed with depression disorders.

It is clear that even though we may be pursuing it, happiness is eluding us. Why is this? When there is so much to enjoy in this world, when people are living longer at a higher standard of living, when technology makes living and working easier, why are so many people unhappy?

I don’t have all the answers. I wouldn’t even say that I have most of them. I’m certainly not an expert (though I am a licensed professional counselor in the state of Ohio), and there have been many times in my life where I, too, have been upset enough to consider quitting the game of life. But I think I have some of the answers, and I want to share them with you. Welcome to the Pursuit of Happiness, a blog containing the meager compilation of wisdom I have gathered from my friends, enemies, teachers, and my own life on happiness. May it enlighten you and bring you joy.